Posts tagged ‘self’

Deeper thoughts

I am a deeper well then you can swim in

I am a rushing current of emotions

I am a stronger tower then you have ever tried to siege

I am fragile like porceline

I weap when I am strong

And laugh when I break

Mysteries make up my dreams

And dreams fill my days

Battles waged with words

And weapon of silence clash

Your eyes and lips haunt my visions

Oh how the time has passed

Find me in a place unnamed

Take me to land far away

Kiss me with your words

Speak with actions of tender love

There is much left to say but so little I can do

Know that when my body is at its stillest my mind races the fastest.

Fear guides me to my victory

And mans praise leads me to my foley.

I am rarely understand

But told I am not confusing

I am structured out of irony

And clothed in confusion

Until Then…



What is passion,

Why is it that some seam to have more passion in there lives then others?

Where does it come from?

How is it born?

It’s a product of the┬áMind…

It’s a product of the Heart…

And a Product of the Eye…















Passion is something that is uniquely human, it is a gift that must be guarded and tended to. It will die if not feed and nurtured, some seam to have more passion because they have cared for there passion more than you have. If you think that a passionate life while just happen you have missed the whole idea. Passion is a believe, it is a choice, it is a life style that says there is something more worth living for than the survival of the human race.

I am passionate about writing, because I give myself to the art and journey of words and their power over the heart and mind. Use the right words at the write time and you have the Gettysburg address, Shakespeares St Crispians day speech, and Martin Luther Kings Jr’s I had a dream speech, but use the same words in a different arrangement and instead of inspiration you have words of hate and destruction. It’s not the voices that use the words that give them power it’s the mind that crafts them. I can craft such words for you, words that would make you weep and words that could make you dance with pure joy. I have passion for writing because I have given my mind to the understanding and pursuit of it. I have passion for writing because I have give my heart over to the words that stir up all the hidden things in my heart. I have passion for writing because I have trained my eyes to see it and to look for it everywhere I go, I have given my eyes to the small print and the large that makes up all the words in the world. That is where passion is born, in determination and commitment to something that is too big to grasp but grasp at it you do, none the less. I will never be able to write all the words that are within me but I will not keep a single one inside any longer than I have to. I will pour out the words like it is water from an unending fountain, I will give my words, they are my blood, my life, my legacy. Freely I will share them with all you will listen, all who will read them and all those who will love them as I do. Words are my passion.

Some people say ‘I found my passion when…’ But I don’t believe thats how its supposed to work. Go out and make your passion, create it with your choices, with your mind, soul and body. Give yourself to your passion, don’t wait for it to find you, go seek after it and you will find it. You have it within you to live passionately , you simply have to choice it.

Until Then…

I am a fighter…

To be a fighter is strangely simple in principle but tremendously hard in reality. To say you are a fighter is easy, the words are not difficult to pronounce, but to live them take strength not of body but of mind, will and heart. To quit or give up goes against every fiber of a fighters being, to let go and step back feels like losing. A true fighter never loses there battles, but a true fighter does lose if that is all they are. I have always pushed myself to be a women who fights for what she believes in and fights for what she wants. There is great power in being a fighter, it is the pursuit of personal strength. I have felt for most of my life that others think that I am weak and the more I feel them thinking that the harder I fight in whatever battle field I can find. I don’t think there is anything, in principle, wrong with having a fighters spirit, but to live all your life by the fighters standard, does that really make you happy?
I can say from in my life that there are things that never would have happened if I wasn’t a fighter, I would never have graduated from high school, I wouldn’t be living on my own with my dog in Montana, if I wasn’t a fighter. But on the other side of the coin, there are things that I have fought for and am fighting for that are not good for me. There are things that the battle to keep is slowly killing me inside, but I have been so long in the struggle that I know of no other way to live.
Most people say that you need to find the balance, but I don’t really feel like life balances out, I think we live life in the tension between extremes. I picture life as a rubber band pulled to its maximum capacity, to that point where it is as long as it can be and just one millimeter more and it will break. If one side of the rubber band is pulled more than the other it drifts to that side, and if that rubber band is not pulled in either direction it is doing nothing. We should live in the tension and we do, every decision we make is like living in the center of that rubber band, we are pulled to one extreme or the other, either by our our personality or by those around us and its is finding the proper tension between those influences that keep us centered.
With my fighters spirit I get pulled to one side of the spectrum, to one extreme and in ways it has paid off for me but in others it has caused me great grief. I have stayed and fought through things that I was never meant to fight through but when you only operate in one facet of life you are bound to make mistakes Fortunately for me I had people who pulled me back when I couldn’t step back myself and showed me what I was doing to myself. Now I must find the tension between my fighters mentality and what is truly best for me. A fighter like me sees all things as a battlefield, and when the fight get desperate all you see is red and you stop seeing what effect your having on your life, you lose the big picture. I need to find how to be a fighter who sees beyond the battlefield. I am learning that not all strength comes from the headlong charge into the fray, but there is also great power in the heart of the women who walks away.
It is hard for me to write these words to you, because it means I am facing days of change. It is hard for me to give up the fight but I know that this one things is not what I must fight for now, I must fight for a better me. I even now struggle with feeling like I have let someone down and have abandon them, but if I can’t do what is best for me, if I can’t stop hurting myself that what good can I be to anyone.
I know my strength now better than I ever have and I will be strong for this, no one can take that from me, but I will put down my sword and shield on this battlefield and walk away a might women, who is still unstoppable.

Until Then…