Posts tagged ‘new beginnings’

Stars in an Hourglass

As our time slips by and,

We watch people come and go,

Day passes into night,

Night into new day,

Sand falls from the hourglass.

 

Time is running out,

Time is growing short,

But amid all the loss,

A star appears within the glass.

 

Bright and glowing,

Blindingly so.

As the sand recedes,

And emptiness prevails,

A star hangs, marking a place in time.

 

A moment,

A choice,

A day,

A life,

That time cannot touch or tarnish.

What once was a grain of sand,

Now transformed by fate,

Hangs as a star in an empty Hourglass

Aladdin Syndrome

4899a17063c542711a0b30afd807ce93“Do you trust me?” It might surprise you that those four words are the words I want to hear from a man even more than “You are beautiful” or “I love you” Maybe its just me be I have always wanted to have a man walk into my life and make me trust him. I am a very reserved girl, one who does not trust easily or quickly. I know that I have lost friendships and possible relationships because I am so reluctant to trust others. I have had this idea in the back of my mind most of my life that one day a man would come along and offer me this great adventure and I would do what I always do, hesitate and back away and then he would say, “Do you trust me?” Maybe that just the overly romantic part of me coming out. The premise still remains, I have been looking and waiting for someone to make me trust them. I ran across the image above a few days ago and this idea has been rolling around in my head trying to make itself into something meaningful. I honestly have no idea where to put this concept or idea that I developed, but I have now named it the Aladdin Syndrome. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being slow to trust, its just a bit lonely but if you can handle the loneliness maybe its not so bad.

That brings up another thing I have been thinking a lot about lately. Just because you can handle something doesn’t mean you have to. Just because I can handle being lonely doesn’t mean I have to be lonely. Life is that eternal struggle to maintain a healthy balance of things in your life. No relationship will be perfect, there will be moments where you get hurt or mad or disappointed but what makes the difference between a relationship that you stand in the fire because you know you can and a relationship that you see the flames and leave? I wish I know. There have been times in my life, if I look back, where I left when I should have stayed and I stayed when I would have left. How do you know the difference? The emotion hurt just the same, the choices and results look the same too? So how do you know when you should stand and take the heat or when you just need to get out of the fire? Again, I wish I knew…

Name Tags

I wear the Name Tag of:

Women, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Niece, Granddaughter, Cousin, Neighbor, Relative, Sister-in-Law,

Athlete, Writer, Photographer, Graduate, Employee, Driver, Techie, Dyslexic, Creative,

Artistic, Sales Associate, Lead Laborer, Independent, Small Business Owner, Capricorn,

Night Animal, Christian, Non-Smoker, Basketball Player, Coach, Assistant, Runner,

Painter, Feminist, Poet, Traveler, Loner, Fighter, Encourager, Strong-Willed, Stubborn,

Dog Lover, Passport Holder, Contact Lens Wearer, Kind, Supportive, Sarcastic,

Tomboy, Consistent, Music Lover, Random, Clever, Practical Joker, Pastors Kid

… and the list goes on.

Throughout our lives we are all given Name Tags some we give to ourselves, some we love and some we hate. Society likes to give us these Name Tags to make us easier to understand, but truly they are one of the main reason the world is so confused about who I am. You can give me a new Name Tag everyday until the end of the world, but until you sit down in a room with me and hear my laughter, see my tears and find the fire in my soul, you will never know me or begin to understand me. Look deep into my eyes and forget what the world may have told you about me and see what I can teach you myself and what your own heart can tell you. Stop seeing with just your eyes, I am not a resume or a stat sheet, I am flesh and blood. I have been broken and I have walked among the stars, I walked the same ground you have and seen the same beauty and the same destruction. I know light from dark the same way you do.

Come sit with me and I will show you who I am.

Fly, Show, Be

Thoughts to ponder…From another author

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment is it perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. ~Max Ehrmann, Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life

California Stars By Billy Bragg

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I’d like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I’d like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I’d love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I’d give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
Of California stars
I’d like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my star bed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars
They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers’ glass
Like friendly wine
So I’d give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
I’d like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
(Dream a dream with you)

 

I feel like this song and these words where pulled from my heart and scribed by another heart. This captures how i am feeling so completely right now, please enjoy this song with me.

Sweet dreams All.

One Year With Vector

On June 8th 2011 I walked into a little basement office in Missoula Montana, with a great deal of fear and self doubt swirling all around me. It was my third really job interview and even though my cousin Danae had assured me that I would get hired I was still scared to death. I remember sitting in the parking lot before going into meet my soon to be manager and future friend Isaac Cervantes and calling my mom trying to calm my nerves. I sat there for about 5 minutes just breathing slowly trying to relax and not throw up.

My cousin was already there in the office sitting behind a desk with two full sets of cutlery on each side of her. Normally Danae and I would have started chattering away in movie quotes that no one else could follow but that day I was so unsure of myself I could hardly talk at all. There was also a man sitting on a folding chair near the desk with on leg across his knee propping up a Mac book on his lap intently staring at the screen. At the time I believed him to be deeply engrossed in something work related but knowing what I know now I am rather certain he was on Facebook. He half rose to greet me, holding his computer with his left hand and offering me his right. “Isaac Cervantes” he said as he shock my hand. He didn’t even have both feet on the ground but really that’s so Isaac. I sat down across the room from him and filled out a questionnaire and looked over at Danae for occasional support. A few other people showed up for interviews as well. Isaac interviewed me and another girl together and about all he really said to me was, “I know Danae has told you pretty much everything so…” he pretty much focused on the other girl asking her questions. I am not sure he really said or asked me anything through that process. His dog Ruby emerged form behind his desk at one point to see who was in daddy’s office, giving us both a sniff and laid back down behind the desk. Then I went on to the long group interview where we where give an in-depth demonstration of Cutco Cutlery and told what the position would in-tale for us. From my former conversations with Danae I actually knew most of what we where being told but it wasn’t hard to be interested and pay attention just for the sheer excitement that oozed from Isaac. After that we where all dismissed and told we would get a phone call later if we where hired or if we weren’t. I left the office quite relived to be out of there, and called my mom. I headed toward the Barnes and Noble, which has alway been an escape for me and called my mom to tell her how it went. I wasn’t 10 minutes down the road when another call came in, It was Isaac. I pulled off into the parking lot next to the Taco Bell and the last part of my interview commenced. He asked me one question, and it was possible the hardest question anyone could ask me at that time in my life. “If I was only going to hire one person why should I hire you?” Seams simple enough, but for me, I had no idea why anyone would want to have anything to do with me. I fumbled around for several minutes while he waited silently on the other end of the phone. I finally pulled out an acceptable answer and he asked me if I wanted to become a representative with Vector Marketing? I believe my initial response was “Really?” and then a quick and emphatic “Yes!”

I remember being so excited, I knew it would be this great opportunity, but at the time I had no idea how it would change my life. Danae meet me about an hour later at I was still over the moon. I was going to sell Cutco for 6 months, hit FSM and then get a sales job at Best Buy. I was going to get the experience I need to work where I really wanted and I was going to make enough money to travel where ever I wanted as much as I wanted. I was going to have everything I wanted. And I wasn’t wrong, I just didn’t know yet what I really wanted.

I can’t remember exactly what was covered in day one of training but I do remember being pretty overwhelmed with information about knives, and steel and how the company works. Of all the day, day one was the lease emotional for me. That being said I felt pretty overwhelmed, I believe we went over the guarantee and that night I was so excited about it that I pitched it to my mother over the phone with out notes. There is a pretty quick learning curve in this business. I remember taking extensive notes that where so sloppy and scattered I can’t read them anymore but if it was on the white board I wrote it down.

The next day we did food cutting and that is when I became a Cutco Believer. The moment of truth involved a pineapple and a Butcher knife. Never in all my life had I used a knife that slide so smoothly and easily thru anything, much less the briny center of a pineapple. I looked over at Isaac while still holding the pineapple juice cover Butcher knife with an expression of pure shock and uncontainable excitement. I think my eye must have spoken because he grinned at me and said, “I know right!” We cut up all kinds of stuff that morning, apples, potatoes, bread, tomatoes and cheese. Oh the Cheese knife, don’t get me started. We ate pineapple the rest of the day of training. We continued learning the manual that day by reading it out loud to each other but it was when we started to work on the phone approach that my stomach turned to knots. We had already been making lists of all the people we knew to call and I felt like I had a great list of people to work from but it was about to be crunch time.

Our first phone time was in the office, we had to set three appointments before we could leave also we where supposed to ring this bell on Isaac’s desk each time we set an appointment. I remember sitting at the desk in the back room of the office, I called my friend Renae first, but the first person I actually talked to was Linda Cavigli. I was so freaked out I was stammering and stuttering like I had never talked on the phone before but I got an appointment and I rang the bell. I set two more appointment before I left, but by that point was pretty frazzled, to the point I was actually on the verge of tears. I reported back to Isaac, that I had set my three appointments and that I was going to make more calls that evening, but truthfully I just had to get out of there. I was so overwhelmed, I need to be alone, and make my calls where no one else was around. I left the office and went back to Danae’s apartment where I was staying and buried my face in a pillow and cried. I was so thankful that Danae had gone back to Kalispell that day so I was alone. I felt like I was failing even thought I wasn’t I had set three appointment and by the time I went to bed that night I had a total of 8 appointments set. But I still had to cry and scream into the pillow before I could do anything else. That was the start of it, when you face things that scare you there are two options, run away or take it as it comes. I have learned in my life if you really want to face something and succeed you can’t expect yourself to be able to handle every single bit of it at once and you are silly to believe that you won’t fall apart at moments. I learned to take each moment in stride and if something is just to much for now, put it on the back burner, I promise it will show up again. Also don’t disqualify yourself just because you have a melt down, just remember to pick yourself back up and leave behind what you don’t need. “accept what is useful, reject what is useless and add what is specifically your own” -Bruce Lee. I know that I had to have my little breakdown at that moment or I would never have been able to keep going. I will be honest it wasn’t the last one I had but it was significant.

Final day of training, this was the day we got our sample kits and learned how it cut pennies. A skill I use at parties at my house now. Also the day of my first demo, which was awful, just awful. No sale, no recommendations, fumbled thru my blue book, and didn’t know answers to half the questions I got asked. Oh and I cut myself with my own knife in the customers sink while cleaning it, good thing they where close family friends and had Band-Aids. I now write-off Band-Aids as business expenses. So I got all the cliche things that could go wrong done and out of the way with my first demo. I went home that night and read my manual over three more times and went to bed, hoping the three appointments I had for tomorrow would be better.

My second demo Danae come with me on and observed. I did the whole demo and it felt so much better but when it came time to close the sale I froze and Danae saved me. I know love this line now, “Mr. Jones, even if you buy just one thing it make you a preferred Customer and it allows me to offer you great deals in the future.” That closed my first sale, a set of four table knives. I was so excited and this trend carried over to my next two appointments, where i sold two custom like lists, both to people who already owned Cutco. You can always use more Cutco.

From there everything snowballed, my first weeks CPO was 629, week two which was my first full week my CPO was 1,803. I continued with an average of about 1,000 a week for the next 6 to 8 weeks. I reached my first promotion the on June 14th. My second promotion on June 22nd, and my third by July 13th which put me at 6,000 in career sales. Today I am at 21,072 in career sales and sitting at a position of Field Sales Leader. I am still shooting to reach Field Sales Manager with the company but frankly that is only the tip of the iceberg.

I sit her now a year after taking what I thought to be just a job but it has changed me and challenged me. It has shown me more about who I am deep down in the areas that I have been hiding from. It has shown me that I am more than I thought possible, that I am not some silly little girl who dream of walking on the moon but I am a powerful women who can have whatever she sets her mind to achieve. I never would have started a blog a year ago, I would have talked about it but I used to be too afraid of what people would think of my thoughts but now look at me, blogging everyday. I never would have even considered moving or moving to California but thats what I am doing. I have found freedom to be whoever it is that I am and the confidence to love all that I am. That is what a year with Vector has done for me.

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The Road goes ever on and on…

This is all I have for you today. Its been a long day and I will be back tomorrow with more words.

Until Then…

The Future

It is strange to me how one week ago, before going to California, I hated my job. It brought me no joy or fulfillment. Now that my perspective on life has changed I no longer see it as a burden. Now that I have made up my mind to moved to Laguna beach California my perspective has changed greatly. When you realize that your current situation really is temporary and you aren’t as stuck as you thought everything changes. It’s easier to get up at 330 in the morning, it’s easier to forgo spending money on movies and eating out when you see something bigger and better on the horizon, even if it’s one of the scariest things you have ever done.
I am terrified to move to California, but something deep down in the lowest pit of my stomach keep stirring and saying, but think of all the wonder, think of all the adventures, think of all the dreams that are waiting for you there. And then I smile and tell myself, “how hard could it really be?”
I am walking through the process right now, facing the reality of my choice and ALL the emotions that go with it. Its going to be an intense ride, but I have bought my ticket and I’m gonna ride this train to the end of the line.

Until Then…

This is not a Step


My father does not believe or acknowledge this sign on any ladder, he has often used the “not a Step” portion of a ladder as a step and also as platform for reaching high heights. It used to be a Christmas tradition in my family to go and cut down our Christmas tree and then bring it home a decorate it. For those of you who don’t know much about my family I will tell you a little secret, we don’t really do anything on a small scale. Our Christmas trees where 18 feet tall. Yes, 18 feet that about 2 stories of a house; Yes this tree was inside and we covered it with lights and ornaments. Actually my father wrapped each tree branch with lights. How you say? My father would say “Very Carefully” but I will give you the really answer. He would set of a 12 foot ladder in the living room beside the tree and then using the “not a step” portion of the ladder he would lay a solid oak door from the top of the ladder over to the Railing that ran around the kitchen. But we didn’t stop there he would then place a chair, that spun on top of that.  Talk about not using things to their factory specifications, But it did the job. My mom told me that one of the first years we did this I came up from the basement while dad was standing on top of his home made scaffolding and asked, quite calmly, “If daddy dies, can I get a new daddy for Christmas?” And we still continued to get 18 foot trees for about another 10 years, until the year my dad had a nasty skiing accident where he hurt his shoulder. We already had the tree up but we had to take it down. Before this we would just take everything off the tree and lower it down and take it out the front door But this year my dad had a new idea. He said, “Lets take the tree down one limb at a time.” Not a bad idea, but did the mention the shoulder injury and the mega pain killers? Oh yes they were involved too. So we commenced with tree disassembly, It was all well and good until the gardening shears came out. All the ornaments got off the tree just fine but we lost a few lights to impaired shear operator. To this day my father says he only cut one strand of lights, but I was there and that years we lost at least 4 strands of light. It wasn’t long after that we moved and my parents bought a 12 foot prelight tree, but thats a story for another day, lets just say I wasn’t a happy camper.

You know those people in your life that reach for the stars, i always see them standing on the top step of a ladder reaching, body fully extended and just barely maintaining balance. How often do we walk by them and bump there ladder causing them to crash to the ground never to regain the dreams they were reaching for? I think its about time we start to hold there ladders steady, just because you are to afraid to climb up on that ladder and reach for something thats just out of reach doesn’t mean you can’t stay on the ground were its “safe” and support someone. If your not a risk taker, support someone who is, encourage them, hold there ladder, or maybe buy them a taller one. There are ways to be a part of the amazing things that other are achieving where you are still safely on the ground. Athough I am a child never climb up on the homemade scaffolding to decorate or tree, I helped my dad by staying on the ground and keeping the lights from getting tangled and holding the ladder. I supported him and I was apart of what he did and I would never trade that time with my father.

Just because you don’t have a dream so big that it will take all you have to even reach out toward it doesn’t mean you can’t be apart of something world changing. There are plenty of young people especially that need someone to hold there ladder while they reach out for there wild and crazy dreams. They are closer to you than you think, you don’t have to go anywhere, they might be right next door, they maybe your own children, or grandchildren, or maybe a niece or nephew. I promise you if you keep your eye, ears and heart open you will find someone to support. Go out and see who is standing on there “Not A Step”

Until then…