Posts tagged ‘fight’

Name Tags

I wear the Name Tag of:

Women, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Niece, Granddaughter, Cousin, Neighbor, Relative, Sister-in-Law,

Athlete, Writer, Photographer, Graduate, Employee, Driver, Techie, Dyslexic, Creative,

Artistic, Sales Associate, Lead Laborer, Independent, Small Business Owner, Capricorn,

Night Animal, Christian, Non-Smoker, Basketball Player, Coach, Assistant, Runner,

Painter, Feminist, Poet, Traveler, Loner, Fighter, Encourager, Strong-Willed, Stubborn,

Dog Lover, Passport Holder, Contact Lens Wearer, Kind, Supportive, Sarcastic,

Tomboy, Consistent, Music Lover, Random, Clever, Practical Joker, Pastors Kid

… and the list goes on.

Throughout our lives we are all given Name Tags some we give to ourselves, some we love and some we hate. Society likes to give us these Name Tags to make us easier to understand, but truly they are one of the main reason the world is so confused about who I am. You can give me a new Name Tag everyday until the end of the world, but until you sit down in a room with me and hear my laughter, see my tears and find the fire in my soul, you will never know me or begin to understand me. Look deep into my eyes and forget what the world may have told you about me and see what I can teach you myself and what your own heart can tell you. Stop seeing with just your eyes, I am not a resume or a stat sheet, I am flesh and blood. I have been broken and I have walked among the stars, I walked the same ground you have and seen the same beauty and the same destruction. I know light from dark the same way you do.

Come sit with me and I will show you who I am.


May 29th 2012 Resume

As I am preparing for my move I am endeavoring to tighten up my resume and have sent it to a couple of friends for review and now the fun part comes reformatting and rewriting it. I don’t really know why but this process is creating a lot of anxiousness and fear in me. For someone who loves words and loves to write you would think this would be an easy task but right now I feel very inadequate to the task so much so that I am avoiding it by blogging about how I am avoiding it. I think part of what is going on is that whole mistakes/perfectionism thing. I feel like if I don’t make the perfect resume I will not be able to get a job and If I can’t get a job in California I won’t be able to rent a place to live and if I can’t find somewhere to live I will have failed and my life will end in my pitiable death. Little intense I know but honestly that is the pressure that I am feeling over this thing. Its really freaking me out. To a point of not being able to face it. This process is bring up a lot of my fear that I have buried pretty deep and to continue with my plan of moving I have to face them and today I just don’t know if I have what it takes to do that. Its a little pitiful to be sitting here afraid to write a resume but thats where I am at. If my first step goes wrong then I will never get back on track again. I know I am capable of doing this but really its not about the resume this is about my our fear of failing my dreams. I am making a promise to myself and all you who read this that when I have finished my Resume I will post it here on this blog.


Until Then…


What is passion,

Why is it that some seam to have more passion in there lives then others?

Where does it come from?

How is it born?

It’s a product of the Mind…

It’s a product of the Heart…

And a Product of the Eye…















Passion is something that is uniquely human, it is a gift that must be guarded and tended to. It will die if not feed and nurtured, some seam to have more passion because they have cared for there passion more than you have. If you think that a passionate life while just happen you have missed the whole idea. Passion is a believe, it is a choice, it is a life style that says there is something more worth living for than the survival of the human race.

I am passionate about writing, because I give myself to the art and journey of words and their power over the heart and mind. Use the right words at the write time and you have the Gettysburg address, Shakespeares St Crispians day speech, and Martin Luther Kings Jr’s I had a dream speech, but use the same words in a different arrangement and instead of inspiration you have words of hate and destruction. It’s not the voices that use the words that give them power it’s the mind that crafts them. I can craft such words for you, words that would make you weep and words that could make you dance with pure joy. I have passion for writing because I have given my mind to the understanding and pursuit of it. I have passion for writing because I have give my heart over to the words that stir up all the hidden things in my heart. I have passion for writing because I have trained my eyes to see it and to look for it everywhere I go, I have given my eyes to the small print and the large that makes up all the words in the world. That is where passion is born, in determination and commitment to something that is too big to grasp but grasp at it you do, none the less. I will never be able to write all the words that are within me but I will not keep a single one inside any longer than I have to. I will pour out the words like it is water from an unending fountain, I will give my words, they are my blood, my life, my legacy. Freely I will share them with all you will listen, all who will read them and all those who will love them as I do. Words are my passion.

Some people say ‘I found my passion when…’ But I don’t believe thats how its supposed to work. Go out and make your passion, create it with your choices, with your mind, soul and body. Give yourself to your passion, don’t wait for it to find you, go seek after it and you will find it. You have it within you to live passionately , you simply have to choice it.

Until Then…

This is not a Step

My father does not believe or acknowledge this sign on any ladder, he has often used the “not a Step” portion of a ladder as a step and also as platform for reaching high heights. It used to be a Christmas tradition in my family to go and cut down our Christmas tree and then bring it home a decorate it. For those of you who don’t know much about my family I will tell you a little secret, we don’t really do anything on a small scale. Our Christmas trees where 18 feet tall. Yes, 18 feet that about 2 stories of a house; Yes this tree was inside and we covered it with lights and ornaments. Actually my father wrapped each tree branch with lights. How you say? My father would say “Very Carefully” but I will give you the really answer. He would set of a 12 foot ladder in the living room beside the tree and then using the “not a step” portion of the ladder he would lay a solid oak door from the top of the ladder over to the Railing that ran around the kitchen. But we didn’t stop there he would then place a chair, that spun on top of that.  Talk about not using things to their factory specifications, But it did the job. My mom told me that one of the first years we did this I came up from the basement while dad was standing on top of his home made scaffolding and asked, quite calmly, “If daddy dies, can I get a new daddy for Christmas?” And we still continued to get 18 foot trees for about another 10 years, until the year my dad had a nasty skiing accident where he hurt his shoulder. We already had the tree up but we had to take it down. Before this we would just take everything off the tree and lower it down and take it out the front door But this year my dad had a new idea. He said, “Lets take the tree down one limb at a time.” Not a bad idea, but did the mention the shoulder injury and the mega pain killers? Oh yes they were involved too. So we commenced with tree disassembly, It was all well and good until the gardening shears came out. All the ornaments got off the tree just fine but we lost a few lights to impaired shear operator. To this day my father says he only cut one strand of lights, but I was there and that years we lost at least 4 strands of light. It wasn’t long after that we moved and my parents bought a 12 foot prelight tree, but thats a story for another day, lets just say I wasn’t a happy camper.

You know those people in your life that reach for the stars, i always see them standing on the top step of a ladder reaching, body fully extended and just barely maintaining balance. How often do we walk by them and bump there ladder causing them to crash to the ground never to regain the dreams they were reaching for? I think its about time we start to hold there ladders steady, just because you are to afraid to climb up on that ladder and reach for something thats just out of reach doesn’t mean you can’t stay on the ground were its “safe” and support someone. If your not a risk taker, support someone who is, encourage them, hold there ladder, or maybe buy them a taller one. There are ways to be a part of the amazing things that other are achieving where you are still safely on the ground. Athough I am a child never climb up on the homemade scaffolding to decorate or tree, I helped my dad by staying on the ground and keeping the lights from getting tangled and holding the ladder. I supported him and I was apart of what he did and I would never trade that time with my father.

Just because you don’t have a dream so big that it will take all you have to even reach out toward it doesn’t mean you can’t be apart of something world changing. There are plenty of young people especially that need someone to hold there ladder while they reach out for there wild and crazy dreams. They are closer to you than you think, you don’t have to go anywhere, they might be right next door, they maybe your own children, or grandchildren, or maybe a niece or nephew. I promise you if you keep your eye, ears and heart open you will find someone to support. Go out and see who is standing on there “Not A Step”

Until then…

Don’t Be A Crab


I heard an interesting story today about batting and trapping crabs. To catch crabs all you need to do is bait them with food into the cage and your cage doesn’t even have to be that elaborate just a wire cage or pot with a hole in the top, the crabs smell the bait and start pilling in. Once the crabs have consumed the bait they will not leave the cage and actually if one of the crabs tries to climb out the other crabs will pull it back down, if that crab tries again, they will pull off its arms and if it continues to try to climb free they will kill it.

My first reaction to this was, Holy Cow Crabs are Mean! but as I thought about it more I started to think if people in my life that done this to me, people that tried to pull me down when I was fighting to get out of something. But what really hit me was how I began to see how I have done this to people. How I have had friends that told me their dream and how they were going to get out of this small town and how they were going to achieve amazing things and instead of pushing them on into there dreams, giving them extra momentum and support I said things like, ‘wow that a really hard industry to get into,’ and ‘you know that doesn’t pay very good,’  and even on occasion ‘I hope that works out for you’. I wish I could go back a change what I said to those people and support them regardless of the out come of their actions. I used to only support people I actually thought would succeed at what they where doing but really they are not the ones who really need the most support it’s the ones who bit off more than anyone could chew, it’s the ones who are crazy enough to dream bigger than we can imagine, its the ones who are scared to death but ready to go for it that need our love and support. Who cares if they fail, they have tried something wonderful and have grown and learned things that most never will, that is the point and why should I ever pull someone down of the top of a ladder, because it’s not a step, if they are reaching for the stars. Stop pulling people off of ladders and roof tops, start holding the legs of the ladders they stand on, and if you are able buy them a taller ladder. But for Pete’s sake don’t shake the ladder and sneer at them when they fall. Don’t be a crab.

Until Then…

I Beg Your Pardon

First of all I am not a child so do not speak to me like one. Do not take my kindness as an insult, it was not intended to be. I do my best to show love to all the people I am around, do not take it out on me if you do not understand my love language. It does not make it not love if you don’t understand it or accept it but do not insult me or hurt me because of your short coming. There are enough things in this world that hurt us there is no need or place for people who hurt those that love them. Do not punish me or try and correct me in my ways of showing love because others have used love wrongly, I have not and am not. My love is genuine and should be treated as such. Correct me if I am wrong, if I am being inappropriate, if I am not being loving, I will bear the punishment for my wrong actions but do not punish me or speak harshly to me when I have done nothing wrong. Do not snap at me when I am trying to help you. If you continue to treat me in this way I will become what you treat me like, a vindictive and cruel women, treat me as I actually warrant or perhaps better and I will become better. I will not allow you or anyone to continue to disrespect me and hurt me, consider this your warning, because I have so far acted out of love  and kindness I am capable of worse things and they are rising to the surface and will come out unless you treat me as I deserve.


Until Then…

Live the Questions

I beg you… to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without ever noticing it, live your way into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke


My life has been full of question and I believe yours has as well. I have fought with the questions, I have analysed the questions, I have talked about the questions, I have prayed about the questions, I ran from them, I ran around them, I hid them, I tried to ignore them, I gave them answers (mostly wrong ones) but I have never lived them. I have lived with them, I have tried to cope with the unanswerable nature of them but I never just lived them. To stand up in the world and say I have a question and there is no answer but I am going to live this questions until there is an answer or a new question replaces it. I am choosing to live the question, to not be afraid of it or stopped by it. I will live every moment that I am given and I will not miss an oppertunity to grow and learn by not living the questions.

I am and have been debating if I should share my questions with you and I have decided that a girl has a right to a little mystery, but I have a feeling that maybe, if you stick around and I keep this up I will tell you my questions someday.

But Until Then..