Posts tagged ‘courage’

Vacation is over, time to get crackin’

This is day five in California, my friend who drove down with me left yesterday and now the vacation is over, there is dirty laundry to do and chores to help out with and the dreaded job search. I will not lie to you I am afraid, it is far easier to sit here and say that I can do anything I want that I would do any job I want but it’s when the applications hit the table and I still don’t have a job that reality starts to weight you down. I feel safe at the moment but the more job applications I put in and get no response from the more my hope and security fade away. I knew before I left that this was where it would get hard, the rest of this has been mostly physically challenging with all the aspects of moving and packing and driving down here, now is the test of my mental and emotional strength. I know I have people here and back how that are only a phone call away and they will speak life into me but even then my dream is mine to carry and I am still unsure how heavy that load will be.

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Life Takes Bravey

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To truly live in this world you must be brave, you must stand up and face those things you have never done and say, today is the day I do something different than before, its my day to rule the world. I have been recently realizing that when I do not challenge myself I become very discouraged and negative, which does nothing good for me, but when I challenge myself, even in the smallest of ways I find joy in places I never expected. I so often fall back on the safety of surviving this existence and not doing all I can to live, its easy to do, you simple do nothing. Yeah, challenge and risk are scary concept and even more frightening realities but they produce so much more in you. It is in those risks and Challenges that you show who you really are and the potential that resides with you. Its in those moments of fear and self doubt that all the pretense is striped away and you are left with the genuine article. I know for myself I value the people in my life that are 100% genuine, the people that aren’t just themselves on the surface but are truly themselves thru and thru. I long to be a person like that and am working everyday to strip away the things that culture and peer pressure have told me I should be. I want to be so completely me that no matter how deep you wish to dive into my soul that you could say She is the same on the surface as she is in those deep dark recesses that most people hide. I want to be me all the way to the core.