Posts tagged ‘change’

Stars in an Hourglass

As our time slips by and,

We watch people come and go,

Day passes into night,

Night into new day,

Sand falls from the hourglass.

 

Time is running out,

Time is growing short,

But amid all the loss,

A star appears within the glass.

 

Bright and glowing,

Blindingly so.

As the sand recedes,

And emptiness prevails,

A star hangs, marking a place in time.

 

A moment,

A choice,

A day,

A life,

That time cannot touch or tarnish.

What once was a grain of sand,

Now transformed by fate,

Hangs as a star in an empty Hourglass

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Aladdin Syndrome

4899a17063c542711a0b30afd807ce93“Do you trust me?” It might surprise you that those four words are the words I want to hear from a man even more than “You are beautiful” or “I love you” Maybe its just me be I have always wanted to have a man walk into my life and make me trust him. I am a very reserved girl, one who does not trust easily or quickly. I know that I have lost friendships and possible relationships because I am so reluctant to trust others. I have had this idea in the back of my mind most of my life that one day a man would come along and offer me this great adventure and I would do what I always do, hesitate and back away and then he would say, “Do you trust me?” Maybe that just the overly romantic part of me coming out. The premise still remains, I have been looking and waiting for someone to make me trust them. I ran across the image above a few days ago and this idea has been rolling around in my head trying to make itself into something meaningful. I honestly have no idea where to put this concept or idea that I developed, but I have now named it the Aladdin Syndrome. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being slow to trust, its just a bit lonely but if you can handle the loneliness maybe its not so bad.

That brings up another thing I have been thinking a lot about lately. Just because you can handle something doesn’t mean you have to. Just because I can handle being lonely doesn’t mean I have to be lonely. Life is that eternal struggle to maintain a healthy balance of things in your life. No relationship will be perfect, there will be moments where you get hurt or mad or disappointed but what makes the difference between a relationship that you stand in the fire because you know you can and a relationship that you see the flames and leave? I wish I know. There have been times in my life, if I look back, where I left when I should have stayed and I stayed when I would have left. How do you know the difference? The emotion hurt just the same, the choices and results look the same too? So how do you know when you should stand and take the heat or when you just need to get out of the fire? Again, I wish I knew…

Name Tags

I wear the Name Tag of:

Women, Sister, Daughter, Friend, Niece, Granddaughter, Cousin, Neighbor, Relative, Sister-in-Law,

Athlete, Writer, Photographer, Graduate, Employee, Driver, Techie, Dyslexic, Creative,

Artistic, Sales Associate, Lead Laborer, Independent, Small Business Owner, Capricorn,

Night Animal, Christian, Non-Smoker, Basketball Player, Coach, Assistant, Runner,

Painter, Feminist, Poet, Traveler, Loner, Fighter, Encourager, Strong-Willed, Stubborn,

Dog Lover, Passport Holder, Contact Lens Wearer, Kind, Supportive, Sarcastic,

Tomboy, Consistent, Music Lover, Random, Clever, Practical Joker, Pastors Kid

… and the list goes on.

Throughout our lives we are all given Name Tags some we give to ourselves, some we love and some we hate. Society likes to give us these Name Tags to make us easier to understand, but truly they are one of the main reason the world is so confused about who I am. You can give me a new Name Tag everyday until the end of the world, but until you sit down in a room with me and hear my laughter, see my tears and find the fire in my soul, you will never know me or begin to understand me. Look deep into my eyes and forget what the world may have told you about me and see what I can teach you myself and what your own heart can tell you. Stop seeing with just your eyes, I am not a resume or a stat sheet, I am flesh and blood. I have been broken and I have walked among the stars, I walked the same ground you have and seen the same beauty and the same destruction. I know light from dark the same way you do.

Come sit with me and I will show you who I am.

Can you say “I’m Sorry”

I’m sorry, two little words, and can you believe that some people just don’t know how to say them? For something so small, you would think that tongue wouldn’t have trouble with these words, but how many times have you felt them rise in your throat and yet your tongue refuses to form them? I know I have been there. I think we need to learn to look someone in the eye that we have hurt and say “I’m Sorry” with no but after it. A statement followed by a but becomes an excuse. We need to own our shit, so many times we half ass things, a half ass apology is an excuse and a cop out. You either take full responsibility for what you have done or your don’t. You just can’t half way apologize and accept to something to change.

There are two parts to an apology, the first part is Owning it, I’m sorry. Period. The second part is where the being genuine comes in, if you are truly sorry about what you have done to someone or how you have failed then you must do something to change it. I’m sorry loses its power just as fast when you keep saying I’m sorry for the same thing over and over. If you don’t change anything and you keep apologizing to me for the same thing, I am going to stop listening because your apology has lost the action. You have to own your mistakes and then act on them to change them for your “I’m Sorry” to actually mean anything. Its just as empty without the action as it is with a ‘but’ after it. If you ever want to be more than you are today put action to your I’m sorry and take out the ‘buts’. If you actually do this you should never have to apologize for the same thing twice.

It begins

Today was quite an event, finally unloaded the uhaul and returned it, I can’t even begin to tell you how much better my truck feel without something behind it. I am so glad to be done with it. There is a sizable pile of boxes and suitcases in my new room but I am here. Spent some time at the beach with Chelsea and Colleen in the waves, it was so soothing to my spirit and my and my mind to be surrounded by people and yet not feel like I was being watched or judged. I think I am going to do well here, I know I will go thru struggles but I think there are amazing possibilities around every corner. Until then I will continue to settle in and enjoy the crashing of the waves on the beach.

New beginnings

A swirl of emotions overtook me as I saw a sign that read Las Vegas 87 miles, I knew I had a good five hours ahead of me before I was home but in that moment all the emotions finally found me. I felt nervous and worried and a little bit scared. I was actually surprised that I didn’t get emotional going around flathead lake or leaving Montana but for some reason that Las Vegas 87 miles brought reality to my door.
I touched the ocean letting the sand work between my toes and the waves splash up my legs and I knew this was going to be a different life for me.

September 12, 2012

And then she did the unthinkable, she left home and stepped into the great unknown.