Archive for June, 2012

Cam with his new family

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Windows not Doors

I have been following a fellow blogger and today he made a great point today that I want to share with you.

“I don’t believe in closed doors, I just believe in closed windows. Why? There will be some times in your life when a window closes, but you still get to look and see what is going on through that window. We all have the ability to open that window again…trust me. Sometimes you just have to invent new possibilities and find out new ways to make something happen. Doesn’t really matter the details, if you want it you will make it happen. So don’t slam a door on someone or something, but just create another window in your house. People will look in and see what is going on with you, and if you decide to open the window and say hi, then be ready to let the fresh air in. People come and go, this is just a fact of life, but always give them the opportunity to look into your life. There really never is good timing for anything, however, your reactions to life’s constant game of testing you is what truly matters. The goodbyes are never goodbyes…they are just future hello’s waiting by the windowsill.” Evan Sanders thebettermanproject

I found this quote very comforting and challenging in the current season of change in my life. Being half moved and saying goodbye to my loving dog of 7 years has been very emotional but this idea that there are no closed door just shut windows has given me a new perspective and a new hope for my future in California. Just wanted to touch base and share this with others.

Until Then…

Fly, Show, Be

To My Daddy

To the Jedi Master who protected me all these years, to the McGyver who fixed all my broken toys and treasures and taught me to do it better, to the man who loved me and let me do crazy things, to the man who put a rope swing in the garage, who wrote me poetry and read me my favorite stories even thou you changed the words and made me mad, to the dad who rebouded for me, to the dad who bought me power tools and occasionally broke them, to the dad who traveled with me, who helped me change my tires, who bought me book and teddy bears, to the dad who believed in whatever my dreams were or are, to the dad who took me to the movies and bought me popcorn and candy and soda, to the dad who let me listen to his cool music, to the dad who no matter how old I get still calls me his “sweetie”. I love you so much dad and miss you like crazy. No matter how far away I am I always know you love me and I will always be your “Sweetie”.

 

Breakfast club

A classic film that although appears out dated holds a theme that we can all understand. Vulnerability and understanding. Five seemingly different and unrelated teens spend one Saturday together and find more common ground then most couple do in a life time. I would wager to say that the scene at the end of the film where they are all sitting on the floor talking is everyone’s favorite and a moment that we all wish we could duplicate in our own lives. I have found times like that around campfires and on bus trips and hope to create the opportunity for more of them. I have gone so far and to think of who I would like to share those kinds of moments with. It is often my hope that whenever people come to my home that it would be an environment that stimulates those kinds of life changing encounters with others. But you can not be in a hurry or have an agenda, that moment of vulnerability must come naturally for it to carry true value. I challenge you to slow down and relax and be open to let the moments take you where they wish to go.

Until Then…

Thoughts to ponder…From another author

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love – for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment is it perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. ~Max Ehrmann, Desiderata: A Poem for a Way of Life

June 14, 2012

Today at work I was a part of a focus group to help make the laundry a better work environment and run better as a part of the hospital. It was funny as I was thinking about the meeting I was a little worried that I wouldn’t have anything to say. Well let me tell ya that wasn’t an issue for long at all. It still some times surprises me how much I really like talking and how opinionated I am. I think, no I am certain I talked the most of the four employees in that meeting. I felt like it was all valid and valuable information but I was definitely the unofficial mouth piece. So funny. Everyone else in the meeting is sitting up in there chairs like students, back straight and hands folded in front of them. Me on the other hand, leaning back in my chair, leg up on one knee and totally relaxed. It was comical to me as I assessed my body posture and I observed the others stiff rigid and tense body posture which lessened as time went on. It was a good meeting but mostly it was an interesting visual of how much I have changed In the last year. What a year it has been.

California Stars By Billy Bragg

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I’d like to rest my heavy head tonight
On a bed of California stars
I’d like to lay my weary bones tonight
On a bed of California stars
I’d love to feel
Your hand touching mine
And tell me why
I must keep working on
Yes I’d give my life
To lay my head tonight on a bed
Of California stars
I’d like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
Jump up from my star bed
Make another day
Underneath my California stars
They hang like grapes
On vines that shine
And warm the lovers’ glass
Like friendly wine
So I’d give this world
Just to dream a dream with you
On our bed of California stars
I’d like to dream
My troubles all away
On a bed of California stars
(Dream a dream with you)

 

I feel like this song and these words where pulled from my heart and scribed by another heart. This captures how i am feeling so completely right now, please enjoy this song with me.

Sweet dreams All.

What I learned today…

You when your a kid and you run down the hall and jump onto your bed because the ground in your room is lava and if you touch it you might die. I think we all remember those days and hopefully the day it stopped.
I realized today that even as an adult there is a moat of negativity that swirls around the foot of my bed when all the lights go out. That in the dark those waters of negative thoughts rise and rise and I just let myself drown in them every night. But I am thru with drowning in my sleep it’s time to learn to swim in the dark. Here’s to waking up from a night of sleep dreaming about all the amazing thing that are waiting for just outside. All that I have left to say today is good night and sweet dreams.

Weights

It’s has become evident to me recently how much we weight ourselves down with our thought, or words and our action. I found some freedom yesterday that I was not expecting. I am surprised by how much lighter my heart is and now much more at rest my mind is. Fear is a heavy weight to carry around for a life time and I am only beginning to cut the fears off of my shoulders but yesterday a significant one fell to the ground. In the moment it was intensely scary but walking around today knowing it wasn’t there any more, knowing that this particular fear had been confronted and survived with a positive out come has given me strength and courage to face the next one.