As I grew from my childhood into a young woman I constructed a mighty castle with large towers. There is a single gate that is protected by a heavy drawbridge and a lock with a single key. That key is hung about my neck. It is concealed by my clothing. That lock has remained fixed since the day it was placed on the door.

         The walls of my castle have never been breached. There is not an army in the whole world that can take my castle. My castle is built on the top of a high cliff that overlooks the people of the world. I often go to my high tower and look down on those people. I have lived a solitary and a safe existence within my self-built walls.

         Oftentimes, as I watched the people of the world I wished that I could live like them; out in the open, running free with others, for I am alone in my castle and it has always been so. I gazed down on them, they live to love and be together. They have no castle or stronghold and I often thought that they where unsafe, but as I have grown and watched them I have learned that they have something I do not and cannot have as long as I remained in my castle. There is only one way down to the people of the world.

         So one day, I climbed to the tower that overlooks the people of the world. I climbed up into that window and I jumped. When I did I hoped and prayed that I could fly. As I fell, I realized that I was not created to fly. I crashed upon the ground and began to burn. When I became ash, I knew that when the tears of the people of the world fell on me with love, I would rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

I wrote this piece back in 2005-2006, I felt like since I wrote it I have been that ash laying on the ground waiting for the tears of the people to fall on my so that I might rise a new creature with mighty wings to wondrous new places. I have felt like I was stuck in some in-between place, like purgatory, just waiting. I felt like there was something I had to learn before I could leave that place and now that I look back on the last year of my life I have begun to see what I learned and discovered. Now looking back I can see that I am no longer in the same place I was or thought I was. Those ashes that laid on the ground so long and dormant are now beginning to knit themselves together in to a being of great beauty and strength that I have never seen before. There are things in me that I never saw or thought possible. Change takes so long but yet happens so fast. It sometimes take years and years for a change to happening in you but yet you wake up one morning and the world is all different, all new. Thats what I mean when I say “change takes so long but happens so quickly”. Time is so fickle, it passes so slowly when we want things over quickly and then passes so fast when we want to savor the moment and yet science still tells us that time is a constant, they should live in my world for a week and then reevaluate the nature of time.

Until Then…

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