Have a lot on my mind, none of which has really been sorted out enough to share with you fully, but I am sure when I have found the words to express it I will share those words here. But for now I probably just share some questions that fill my very scattered thoughts. I wonder what life has for me next, I am ready to be done with what I have currently and am ready for the next thing, I know what I want it to be but I have very little control. Uncertainty is such a powerless feeling and of all the states of being I hate feeling powerless, Hopeless in second to the worst. I feel such turmoil, I am feeling pushed and pressured by people that really do love me. I feel like I need a break, a vacation from the pushing to make myself better. I need a vacation from me in a way but I know that we are just getting started and it’s going to get more intense before its all said and done. I am thankful for all the pushing my friends have done to help me grow but there is a season for everything and I want the season of rest where I can just enjoy all I have discovered and live as I wish, free. I think I need a nap most of all. I love who I am becoming, I’m just not in-love with the process its is taking to get there.

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